Missing him – trusting to be united once again 💑

What has been intended for evil, you turn it for our good and for your glory – thank you, Jesus. You are perfect in love, you have not forgotten us – thank you Jesus 🙌

Hello my friends,

I have a confession to make: In the spiritual realm and in my heart, my precious Jesus is real and present. He is my eternal husband, my lover, my best friend, my provider, he who sees me,  and I love him with such abandon.

Yet, in the here and now, I am still missing my man with all that I am. I am human, and I long for him, to come back, and claim me for his own. I feel his presence, but he is not here…..he is only in my mind, my heart. – You may have read my post in one of my previous blogs: when all of me is surrendered to Christ, and all of him is surrendered to Christ – then we can see Jesus face to face, even today.

Every day of my life, I pray for my man to come back to me.

In the past, very often I felt that he and I, we were so close to meeting again. Yet it has never happened – always Christ showed up in these moments, urged me once again, to let him show me the way…..and I did. I gave all of me to him. I will never forsake him, the enemy tried many times to provoke me, to let go of the love of my life – due to loneliness in the here and  now, persecution from my family, struggles of many kind but I realized, that he is all I need.

May I ask you, is it wrong, to miss my man so much, the man, the Lord brought into my life almost 21 years ago? He and Jesus are one for me…

The longing to meet him face to face (Again) is huge – missing him is just a part of me…..ever since I misunderstood his last words to me and walked away. I miss him – there is not a day, that I do not talk to him, and tell him, how much I love him, how much I miss him and how much I need him.

I want him by my side more than anything – there is a void in my soul, that can only be filled, by the other side of me. He is all I ever wanted, and my arms are opened wide.

I miss you so much, my love, please come back to me.

Over the years, I have prayed to God Almighty, to take away this longing, if this wasn’t for me, if God wanted me to let go of this love forever. Yet, he never did.

The longing got deeper and deeper. God asked me to surrender this love into his hands, and I did – often with huge tears running down my face, because I thought this was letting go of this one big dream of mine, Letting go of my heart’s desire forever. No other dream is as deep as this one. I always wanted a retreat center, where people could find peace and rest for their souls. I can forgoe that. But him, I cannot.

Today I know, the Lord wanted me to let go of the pedestal, that I had put the man, or the relationship status on.

Before I embraced Christ more fully through all the challenges and changes of the last years, I always thought, that he – my man – would be my save all, fix all and change all. Give me the solutions to my problems, make me strong, make me happy, peaceful and lift my burden. Being with him meant, that finally I could feel safe in this world.

That was, what needed to be changed. I had to realize, that all this, only Christ can be and give. Not another human being can carry my burden and lift it off my shoulders.

I should not expect that of my man. It would be too huge a burden for him, unless he had surrendered all of him to Christ as well. When we have given all our burdens to the Lord, he gives us rest, our yoke becomes easy and our burden is light. We do not expect the other to carry our load.

I miss him and I no longer want to be alone. He can be human, make mistakes, mess up, just like I did and will do – because we are human – but I want to be imperfect with him, want to walk through this life together with him, because God never meant for us to be alone.

I firmly believe, that God has placed this longing in my heart. Otherwise he would have taken it away, he has lifted me higher and higher, purified my heart’s desire, given me deeper understanding of what true love really is. Taught me obedience to his word and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

All I know today is: I love him forever and ever. Jesus is Lord, and God says, it’s not good for man to be alone, this is why he created woman out of man’s rib.

I want you back. I miss you. I am so sorry, that I didn’t trust the Lord, to bring you back into my life then. I do it now. I go wherever you take me. Thank you, Jesus, for opening my eyes to life in the fullness of Christ.

Forever your friend

Youschka ❤️

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