Missing him – trusting to be united once again πŸ’‘

What has been intended for evil, you turn it for our good and for your glory – thank you, Jesus. You are perfect in love, you have not forgotten us – thank you Jesus πŸ™Œ

Hello my friends,

I have a confession to make: In the spiritual realm and in my heart, my precious Jesus is real and present. He is my eternal husband, my lover, my best friend, my provider, he who sees me,  and I love him with such abandon.

Yet, in the here and now, I am still missing my man with all that I am. I am human, and I long for him, to come back, and claim me for his own. I feel his presence, but he is not here…..he is only in my mind, my heart. – You may have read my post in one of my previous blogs: when all of me is surrendered to Christ, and all of him is surrendered to Christ – then we can see Jesus face to face, even today.

Every day of my life, I pray for my man to come back to me.

In the past, very often I felt that he and I, we were so close to meeting again. Yet it has never happened – always Christ showed up in these moments, urged me once again, to let him show me the way…..and I did. I gave all of me to him. I will never forsake him, the enemy tried many times to provoke me, to let go of the love of my life – due to loneliness in the here and  now, persecution from my family, struggles of many kind but I realized, that he is all I need.

May I ask you, is it wrong, to miss my man so much, the man, the Lord brought into my life almost 21 years ago? He and Jesus are one for me…

The longing to meet him face to face (Again) is huge – missing him is just a part of me…..ever since I misunderstood his last words to me and walked away. I miss him – there is not a day, that I do not talk to him, and tell him, how much I love him, how much I miss him and how much I need him.

I want him by my side more than anything – there is a void in my soul, that can only be filled, by the other side of me. He is all I ever wanted, and my arms are opened wide.

I miss you so much, my love, please come back to me.

Over the years, I have prayed to God Almighty, to take away this longing, if this wasn’t for me, if God wanted me to let go of this love forever. Yet, he never did.

The longing got deeper and deeper. God asked me to surrender this love into his hands, and I did – often with huge tears running down my face, because I thought this was letting go of this one big dream of mine, Letting go of my heart’s desire forever. No other dream is as deep as this one. I always wanted a retreat center, where people could find peace and rest for their souls. I can forgoe that. But him, I cannot.

Today I know, the Lord wanted me to let go of the pedestal, that I had put the man, or the relationship status on.

Before I embraced Christ more fully through all the challenges and changes of the last years, I always thought, that he – my man – would be my save all, fix all and change all. Give me the solutions to my problems, make me strong, make me happy, peaceful and lift my burden. Being with him meant, that finally I could feel safe in this world.

That was, what needed to be changed. I had to realize, that all this, only Christ can be and give. Not another human being can carry my burden and lift it off my shoulders.

I should not expect that of my man. It would be too huge a burden for him, unless he had surrendered all of him to Christ as well. When we have given all our burdens to the Lord, he gives us rest, our yoke becomes easy and our burden is light. We do not expect the other to carry our load.

I miss him and I no longer want to be alone. He can be human, make mistakes, mess up, just like I did and will do – because we are human – but I want to be imperfect with him, want to walk through this life together with him, because God never meant for us to be alone.

I firmly believe, that God has placed this longing in my heart. Otherwise he would have taken it away, he has lifted me higher and higher, purified my heart’s desire, given me deeper understanding of what true love really is. Taught me obedience to his word and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

All I know today is: I love him forever and ever. Jesus is Lord, and God says, it’s not good for man to be alone, this is why he created woman out of man’s rib.

I want you back. I miss you. I am so sorry, that I didn’t trust the Lord, to bring you back into my life then. I do it now. I go wherever you take me. Thank you, Jesus, for opening my eyes to life in the fullness of Christ.

Forever your friend

Youschka ❀️

In Awe at his faithfulness.

What has been intended for evil, you turn it for our good, and for your glory – thank you Jesus. You are perfect in love, you have not forgotten us – thank you Jesus πŸ™ŒπŸ˜˜

Hello my friends,

I stand in awe at his amazing faithfulness: yesterday my timehop stated, that a year ago true Grace had happened to us…..and that all of his promises are true, especially the one stated above, that all things work together for our good.

Honestly, as I read this on timehop yesterday, I couldn’t even remember, what had happened two years ago. Today there was a blog post of mine, that had been published a year ago: ‘It’s been a year’ – well, now I do remember. And given the circumstances of that moment in time two years ago, God has come through for us and caused it to work for our best. 

Our best is a wonderful and fun filled relationship with my son. I got to personify God’s grace to him that day. I understood, what happened when Jesus was on the cross, and the magnitude of his sacrifice, which reaches into today, and very specifically into my son’s life – and mine for that matter. 

I dare to say, that we would all not be at the place, where we are today, we would not have all these redemptive moments of the last 2 years, where Jesus very clearly showed us, that he is here, that he loves us, that he is my boy’s father and that he goes out of his way, to bless his beloveds – his chosen ones.

Thank you Jesus. Therefore I count it all joy, even the hardships and challenges in life. They drew me closer into his arms. I can never ever leave this wonderful place of comfort, of trust and pure joy. Life in his presence is worth it all.

So, here I stand, and I say thank you for all the pain and the hardships over the years……as I would not live in his presence the way I do now, had it not been for all of it. 

The lessons I learned, the mistakes I made, the wrong choices I made, the tears I cried, the pain I suffered – it all brought me closer and closer into the arms and the presence of my beloved. This is where I belong, this is where I need and want to be.

Thank you, Jesus for your great love! For your Mercy, for you Grace and for your Forgiveness – for dying for me…..that I might live my wildest dreams and have life to the fullest. I love you, and I will love you for all eternity.

The greatest challenges in the past, meant the greatest blessings, because you drew me close.

My friends, he loves you just the same. With him, your best is yet to come. 

Your friend, 


Returning home

What has been intended for evil – you turn it for our good and for your glory. You are perfect in love – you have not forgotten us #thankyouJesus πŸ™Œ

Dear friends, 

9 days later, another airplane, flying back to Canada. My parents are situated in the hospital in Switzerland, that specializes in geriatric assessment and treatment.

Things don’t look too shabby now. We still do not have a clear picture, what the future holds and what our options are, but we are definitely closer to finding out. I leave them in the hands of the great physician – the one who holds all our tomorrows. As I may have mentioned before: if my parents are in his book of miracles, no power, nor demons, nor hell can oppose his healing power released upon them. 

This is what he promised me, this is what I believe, and this is what I trust and stand in the gap for.

Having my girl travel with me sure meant a lot to me – her presence gave me strength. Thank you Holy Spirit to prompt me to take her. 

On one level it was hard to leave Switzerland now, but the knowledge, that God is with them and watching over them, gives me great comfort. Plus, I will be back shortly. Just a little over 3 weeks and my children and I will be back. 

When I booked my trip, I had no definite plan, as to how things would work out: no beds in the hospital, no knowledge of in what condition I would find my father. 

Seeing him for the first time after pretty much 3 months…..he looked way better than I thought. Praise God. Thank you Jesus.

The day after I landed I had a bed for my father for last Tuesday, my mother’s check up with regards to the urologic procedure she had to have, before we left for Canada in August scheduled for Wednesday, a bed for her for Thursday. 

Today my niece is coming to Switzerland to spend the weekend with them. Praise God.

If this is not divine intervention and orchestration at it’s best, I don’t know, what is.

Today I am flying back, my heart is at rest, at peace. I am still, because I know, that he is God. I know that their health is in his hands and that he has placed the right people at the right places, to move mountains for them. Now they only have to believe and trust, that Jesus loves them, and that their best is yet to come…..cause: with Christ all things are possible. 

My friends, we still covet your prayers…..please keep lifting my parents to the throne of God. Pray for healing and restoration. 

I am forever grateful for your faithfulness. Jesus knew, that I needed you….. – thank you for being my friends and allowing me to share my story, my troubles and the way that Jesus has changed my life for the so much better. 

My prayer is and forever will be, that my account will encourage you to place your cares and your life in his hands. Jesus loves you so much – when you reach out, he will walk with you through your struggles and strengthen you, just as he has strengthened me.

Be still and know, that he is God – Cast all your cares on him, for he cares for you.

Forever your friend


His plans are still to prosper

What has been intended for evil, you turn it for our good and for your glory. You are perfect in love, you have not forgotten us. Thank you Jesus.

My dear friends

As I am writing this, I am sitting in an airplane, that takes me to Europe. My mother and my daughter are with me. My son and my dog are staying behind, with my sister – I know, they are in good hands, but my heart is breaking just the same.

The reason for this trip is a rather sad one: my mother’s health took a turn for the worse and we need to go back to Europe, to make sure, she can get the best help. She was not the happiest camper in Canada, since she doesn’t speak the language. I am taking her home.

The other, also very sad reason for traveling to Europe is my father’s health. He is in this care facility in Germany and he is not well.

As much as I wanted to have all the plans laid out before me, before I booked a flight, none of that happened. Rather no plans, but a deep trust, that Jesus knows and that he has a plan. He has this all figured out. Otherwise, he would not have had me book the flight. But I felt it very strongly in my spirit, to go ahead and travel now. He has got this, all I need to do, is walk in obedience. Listen closely to the nudgings of the Holy Spirit.

My daughter is traveling with us – this is another prompting I received from the Lord this morning – that I ought to take her along. He heard her plea, and had me act on it. The song that flooded my soul, when I obeyed, was: Holy Spirit you are welcome here…..and all I can say: yes, he is!

Now we are headed oversees. My mom, my daughter and I – trusting him for the best for all of us.

I know he is omnipresent and he is always in all that concerns us. He is in all that we are going through right now. He has it all figured out, and he will direct our steps. This has been his promise all along: when we acknowledge him in all our ways, he makes our paths straight.

I know, that from a human perspective the situation looks very bleak and with not very many turns for the better to be expected. I also know, that many may think, that I am in denial of the facts and the truth.

Far from it – yes, I know it looks bleak, and when I took my mom to Grandparents Day on October 28, I knew full well, that this may be the last time, that she may be able to attend. My parents have been there for twenty years – not saying, that they have always been there, but my two older nieces have started attending Georgetown District Christian School 20 years ago. Β Then my children started attending in 2009.

I know, that the medical diagnosis for either one of my parents is not one of future and hope. But that is where I choose to believe, that my God is bigger and that he can still perform miracles.

He has promised me, that he is doing a new thing, that I do not have to dwell on the past. That he is God Almighty, and that he is good. He calls us to trust, that his plans are still to prosper, that he has not forgotten us. He is about to give us a hope and a future.

Recently I heard the testimony of a lady and friend in my church, that he has cured her body of all cancer. He can do it, and he promised, that he healed my mother and my father’s frame.

Despite the bleak diagnosis for my parents, I choose to trust God. He has come through for me a million times. He will not fail or abandon us. He will deliver my parents from the hands of the enemy – the one, that sows doubt and condemnation. He has said it and he is true to his word. The Glory Honor and Praise is his forever and always.

I know, he has a plan in suffering – he pulls us closer to himself, deeper into his embrace.

My precious Jeshua is never going to give up on any soul inhabiting this world right now. There is always time to run to him. His arms are opened wide to receive all of you into his kingdom, which truly is an internal one, but real just the same. And the more souls are joining him there, the more the world will turn into paradise.

He is not giving up on my parents. Health is theirs in Christ Jesus. Here or in death, they will be reunited with the Holy one of Israel. So my heart rejoices. For he has their redemption all planned out already – I am just connecting the dots.

I am grateful, he has chosen me, to be his ambassador, to make a difference in their lives now, and to be instrumental in establishing them in their new place.

I trust the guidance of the Holy Spirit with regards to their future and I will go full out on this trip. The world and it’s limiting views can not scare me, neither can they stop me.

Thank you, Jesus, for being right here with me. You are my beloved and I trust your word more than anything. For you are sovereign over us.

Please, my friends, I covet your prayers for our time in Europe, that there is no opposition of the enemy against the will of Christ. The victory is ours. Jesus won the victory on the cross – please stand in agreement with me on that one.

I love you, my friends – I will be in touch when there is more to say. Stay tuned for a miracle, because my God is bigger than any of the circumstances at hand, he is still doing miracles today. I am trusting him for ours.

In Jesus’ mighty name. Amen

Forever your friend,


The Lord is faithful – his love endures forever πŸ™Œ

What has been intended for evil, you turn it for our good and for your Glory. You are perfect in love, you have not forgotten us. Thank you Jesus

My friends,

it’s been a very long time since my last post, but here I am standing stronger and taller in the presence of my beloved. Every trial in the past, he has used, to pull me closer into his embrace.

My circumstances are still the same: the health of my parents has not improved by much, or has actually deteriorated. It’s still 5 to 12 financially speaking – but that already is amazing, as the time has stood still for the last couple of months (he has provided in the meantime for two mortgage payments and he has provided for β…” of my daughter’s school tuition) which means it still is 5 to 12 and not 12 yet. Thank you Jesus!

He has provided his redeeming grace for us on many levels – and we are moving upwards. Sometimes it’s more a crawl, but upward none the less.
Today at church, he has reassured me, that he knows exactly where I am at, and where my parents are at. His grace is always sufficient. He knows about our fears, our grievances – and he will make a way, even if we have only a little faith.

Mom has had another cardio version, and it clearly seems, that her strength is coming back – ever so slowly, but it’s coming back.

Grandparents Day at my daughter’s school came and went, and due to my mother’s poor health, I was blessed with a privilege, that mothers normally don’t get: I got to be there and enjoy the program sitting beside my mother, and not working in the kitchen, only sneaking in, to see my daughter’s grade performing. Even though it’s due to a sad cause (my mom not being well), I thoroughly enjoyed the program and the mingling with the grandparents. Thank you Jesus – you always make a way!

Yet, the morning, when I took my daughter to school and I went in to ask to reserve us a seat, cause mom was really slow, and weak, I felt this surge of tears well up inside of me, and the tears kept coming, as I asked for the favor, as I realized, this could very well be the last time either of my parents is around for this special occasion.

I cried for their sake, and I surrendered them to the will of God. If the struggle here on earth gets too much for them, I release them into his sovereign will for them. I even pleaded for God to end their suffering…..as hard as that was. But I know, he will receive them into heaven – and maybe it will only be on the other side of death – as much as I would like them to cross over here, and enjoy some more years being loved on by their children and grandchildren.

God is in control and his plans are to prosper them, even in the dire circumstances they have to walk through right now.

God is faithful – his love never ends – he is always near, and the circumstances are under his control, and his grace is sufficient for us all the time. 

My heart is crying out to my beloved to reveal himself in a very personal and tangible way to my parents – that they would be able to find rest in his embrace, just as I have found it in him a while back.
I am getting ready to travel to Europe this week, to get my father to a hospital in Switzerland and have him checked out and assessed, in order to find the best option possible for his present condition.

My mother is coming with me, as she really longs to go home – to the place, where she speaks the language. Also, even though my parents have not been in a healthy relationship of mutual respect and love, I pray and I believe, that due to the latest happenings in their life, they may actually appreciate each other more and be more forebearing with each other. 

I truly hope, that in that last season of their lives, they will learn to be more mindful of their partners (spouse, children….).

With God all things are possible – my hope is in him, finishing the work he began in them. He is the Alpha and the Omega – from our first breath to our last, we are in his hands.

In Jesus’ name I pray for all of you, and I hope that Jesus is as close to your heart, as he is to mine. I hear his heartbeat in mine, and that makes me the luckiest/most blessed woman on this planet.

Your friend always,

Thanksgiving revisited πŸπŸ‚

What has been intended for evil, you turn it for our good and for your glory. You are perfect in love, you have not forgotten us πŸ‚πŸ

Sweet friends,

just a little while ago, I read the blog I posted a year ago, when my sister and I had just arrived in Switzerland. The days spent in Switzerland  with my parents were amazing. The Lord had orchestrated everything beautifully. The intentions were well set, but unfortunately the peace didn’t last.

Due to doubting, due to power struggles, due to misconceptions it spiraled into division and strife once again, shortly after my sister and I had returned to Canada.

This last year has been one of heartache and one of pointing fingers and blaming others.

The gap to accepting his love and mercy, his grace and his compassion got bigger and bigger.

Despite the fact, that the health of my parents deteriorated considerably over the last year – culminating in my mother undergoing chemo at the beginning of the year, subsequently having pneumonia and a staphylococcus infection, and my dad falling and breaking his femoral neck, followed by a bunch of complications, such as a post operative heart attack, a bladder infection with high fever, you name it – I still firmly believe, that his promise of health and restoration for my original family is ours to receive.

The blessings stored in Heaven that bear our name are eternal, they do not expire. All we need to do, is walk by faith and not by sight. For right now, that truth seems to be far fetched, but if we trusted the Lord with all our heart and did not lean on our own understanding, it could still be ours today.

Therefore, I will never stop believing him for all his promises, he made to me over all these last years, to come to pass.

The miracles he did in the past, he still does them today. They are ours to receive – whenever we are ready.

God is good all the time – Amen -Wishing you a very ‘Happy Thanksgiving’ – today I am most thankful for my children (they are part of the blessings that bore my name, that even though I waited a long time, they were always mine – thank you Jesus), his peace that passes all understanding, and for his faithfulness even in heartache and pain. He is always right there, to give me his strength and to comfort me.

Thankful for family and friends – God knew I needed them. Amen

Yours faithfully,


From Servant to Friend, to Brother and Child of God , to beloved, bride of ChristπŸ™Œ

What has has been intended for evil, you work it for our good and for your Glory. You are perfect in Love, you are Sovereign over us.

Hey friends,

It seems as if I am on a roll. Here is what the Spirit of the Lord has revealed to me just today.

The Old Testament days, mankind were servants of God – they could not stand in his presence, without fear to die, they trembled and did not know, how to approach his throne.

The New Testament days, mankind became friends, disciples and followers of Jesus.

Today, we are children of God, brothers and sisters of Christ, he is our beloved husband, we his beloved bride.

Do you see it? We can now approach the throne of God without blemish, dressed in white (aka righteousness). It’s all due to the sacrificial death that Christ died for us, while we were still sinners.

He wants to be the one we run to at all times, the one we bring the good, the bad and the ugly. All that concerns us. And we can bring him all of us, even our dark side – because nothing is too dark, for him not to make it shiny and new.

Plus he knows it anyway. You cannot hide your heart. He knows your motives and he knows what you are going to do, say, yes even think, before you actually do.

He paid the ultimate price – because he loves YOU!!! Yes, YOU.

We can be ourselves, without being afraid of judgment. If he thinks, you need to change, he will convict you, ever so gently, and you will see why and you will gladly do, what he tells you, because you then will see his point and you will love him.

Can you imagine the Joy he wants to give to you – if we remain in him, like he remains in the father, we, our souls will be filled with an indescribable joy – and this Joy is in the Lord. And this Joy will be ours forever…..even in hardship and trial, you will have peace and joy – because the Joy of Jesus is our strength.

Yesterday the Lord prompted me to surrender my mother and my father AGAIN into his hands. Their sickness and their health are his to define. I cried, because there is nothing I would hate more than them becoming more sick, less themselves, less independent, or them even dying.

But the Lord showed me, that in Christ we are healed, no matter if that is here on earth or in heaven. But again, it’s up to them, if they embrace Christ now or later.

He also showed me, that he has them, and us all covered. For Jesus paid the ultimate price for all mankind at the cross.

Now this is what I call ‘The Good News’ – that is why he has not yet returned. That we all can consciously choose him!

Will you? I sure hope you do! He loves you so much. Talk to him today – he is waiting!

Praise the Lord for his faithfulness – Amen